Inside the lobby of the Elijah Smith Building early Thursday afternoon, a standing-room-only crowd gathered at the annual Lights of Life ceremony.

Hosted by Hospice Yukon, the ceremony is held each Christmas season in an effort to give local residents a chance to grieve and remember those who are no longer here.

Hospice Yukon board member Debra Fendrick, who emceed the ceremony, said for many Yukoners, December is a special time of year to gather with loved ones for seasonal celebrations. At the same time, the absense of those no longer with us can be felt deeply.

The ceremony – now in its 28th year – and the Lights of Life trees where remembrance tags can be hung offer an opportunity to formally remember and grieve those no longer here.

Stationed at Thursday’s ceremony were two large boards where visitors were asked to fill in the blanks following the sentence “Before I die I want to” or in French “Avant de meure”.

As Fendrick described it, the displays were designed to get people thinking about their own mortality in a positive way.

As in previous years, at various points in the ceremony, the Persephone Singers and Whitehorse Chamber Choir provided musical interludes featuring solemn songs like December’s Keep.

That song was performed just before local resident Elaine Schiman addressed the crowd about the grief she has and continues to experience since her husband, Greg Komarami, died suddenly after a cardiac arrest in November 2017.

“I’m still figuring my way through this,” she said.

While talking about grief doesn’t make it go away, Schiman said it has given her strength.

Before reflecting on her own experience, she noted that the community has had a lot of losses in the past few weeks. Her thoughts are with those family and friends who are experiencing loss this time of year.

As she continued, Schiman said there is much about grief that has come as a surprise to her over the last year – much she did not realize.

Just how big and all-consuming it is was one such realization she had not come to before.

“It shatters all the good things you took for granted,” Schiman said.

Komarmi was her life partner, she added, and they still had many hopes and plans for the future when he died.

His death has meant she has had to reshape her life.

“You are changed,” she said.

Schiman described a loneliness that runs deeper than she had experienced. She noted that it can hurt physically, along with the emotional pain.

She noted that when she had thought about death prior to Komaromi’s passing, it was a question of whether wills were up to date and such.

Becoming a widow is much more than could have ever been imagined.

“It makes you doubt yourself in so many ways,” Schiman said, adding she now realizes just how inadequately she’d handled the grief of others in the past.

She has been surprised by just what she has needed – meals brought to her door, driveways and steps shovelled by friends, emails and phone calls by loved ones sharing their own favourite memories of Komarami, help lifting something that’s too heavy or awkward and requiring two people, and more.

“Kindness makes a difference,” Schiman said, noting that anyone looking to help someone who’s grieving should be specific with the help they offer.

Simply asking to let them know what they can do to help often is an added burden to those grieving, Schiman said, noting she often didn’t know what she needed.

She has also been surprised by those who have been able to be there.

Some friends she hadn’t been in a lot of contact with for years provided much support; others she thought would be able to furnish that support weren’t able to. She said she’s grateful for all the encouragement she’s received.

Schiman also said she’s had many who she didn’t realize were going through their own grief share their experiences.

As well, she’s come to realize that you really don’t know what most people are going through.

“You really can’t tell by the outside,” she said, adding she has come to assume that most people are likely going through or have gone through struggles.

The other surprise for her, she noted, was the change in family dynamics. While there’s an assumption that grief may bring a family closer together, that’s not always the case, as everyone in the family will deal with loss differently.

“We are all struggling,” she said.

Schiman then said that all the things recommended to deal with grief are those same things people should be doing in their daily lives: making sure they get enough sleep, getting outside, being with friends and loved ones.

She also noted that counsellors and others will often reassure someone who’s grieving that they will feel joy again even as they are missing their loved one.

“It seems to be true,” she said, as she recalled the wedding of one of her and Komaromi’s sons in October.

Komaromi’s absence was felt during the family celebration, but it was also joyful and fun.

Schiman was among the first to hang a remembrance tag for Komarmi as well as her parents, who passed away a few years ago, on one of the five trees in the lobby of the Elijah Smith Building.

Three of the trees are larger, with two smaller ones being a pet tree to remember pets who have passed away, and a child’s tree.

Schiman and others hung the tags bearing the names of loved ones following the reading of We Remember Them and a blessing.

The child’s tree is there for kids who may want to hang a tag in memory of someone they lost or families who have lost a child.

Along with the trees and memory tags, a memory book is in place where visitors can write their memories of a loved one.

Yukon Energy also hung a tag on behalf of the company in memory of a number of employees.

The trees and memory book will be in place for visitors from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. through the week until next Wednesday.

At 1 p.m. Thursday, the trees will be taken down. Volunteers will also be on-hand to talk for anyone who wants to.

Those looking for a more private spot to do so can visit the tree at Hospice House at 409 Jarvis St. between 11:30 a.m. and 3 p.m. through the week.

There are also trees at the Whitehorse General Hospital, Yukon College, Macaulay Lodge, Copper Ridge Place, the Heritage North Funeral Home, the Thomson Centre, Whistle Bend Place, the Kwanlin Dün Wellness Centre, Mental Wellness and Substance Use Services, the Salvation Army and the Youth of Today Society.

There are also a number of trees set up in communities around the territory.