For many, the holiday season is not the joyous occasion that so many advertisements and movies make it out to be.

For those who have lost someone close to them, it’s a time of year when an expected phone call or visit doesn’t happen or traditions held with that person are no longer.

This marks Kim Tucker’s first Christmas without her son, Stephen Golubic, who died earlier this year in an accident in B.C. He was in his twenties.

She’s getting through the holidays with the help of close family members and friends, while also working to support other bereaved parents.

Earlier this month, Tucker organized a meeting for parents whose children have passed away with a goal of establishing a local Compassionate Friends support group with another one planned for mid-January, though a specific date has yet to be set.

“It’s something that’s really needed,” Tucker said in an interview Monday.

Tucker didn’t want to give out details about the meeting, respecting the privacy of those who came out.

She did note it had gone well, and as word has spread about the new group, more people are coming forward looking for information about it.

It was after coming home from her son’s funeral this past fall that Tucker realized a support group was needed in the community.

As a counsellor herself, Tucker recognized she couldn’t support “just myself”.

“I needed someone else who could get me through,” she said.

While counselling is helpful, the group will offer the support of peers who have gone through or are going through the same experience.

While Hospice Yukon offers a number of support services for those who have lost someone close to them, support groups are not part of that (although it can recommend support groups to clients).

As Tucker explained, Hospice Yukon’s plate is already very full with a number of “wonderful services”, but it’s up to the community to organize peer support groups, and that’s just what she’s trying to do.

It’s those groups who can bring together people who better understand what someone may be going through.

In this case, those in the group know what it’s like after a child’s death, and know that after three months – when others think you should be moving on – that you still “have the hole in your chest.”

While Tucker emphasized she’s fortunate to have family and friends who are helping her through this first Christmas without her son, there are many out there who are not that fortunate. She’s hopeful the support group will give them a social network of understanding peers.

Having toddlers here for the holidays means a delicate balancing act of participating in the festivities while also dealing with the grief of losing a child.

Once again, family and friends have come through.

Tucker noted while she’s baked cookies with the little ones, another friend has sent up some Christmas goodies that are a little more difficult to bake, taking some of the pressure of the season off of her.

Still, it’s “really, really rough,” she said.

Things that were a normal part of the festive season – her son’s favourite holiday – have become difficult.

“I can’t go shopping,” Tucker said as she recalled a trip to a local store that took twice as long because she spent a lot of it in the back of the store in tears.

“You’re reliving everything,” she said, noting that even though he’s gone, she wants her son included in everything.

She recently indulged in a tattoo that symbolizes mother and son and she tries to focus on the fond memories she has of her son.

For those who know and want to help someone dealing the loss of a child during the holidays, Tucker advised: “Don’t let them stay alone in their grief.”

Calling them to ask them what they like at the local coffee shop, then dropping by for a visit is helpful. So is asking if there’s anything they need or anything that would help.

She also commented on “that pity look”, noting every bereaved parent has seen it and nobody wants it.

Heading into the new year, Tucker said she’d like parents who have had some years experience dealing with the death of a child to be part of the support group to help newly bereaved parents.

Anyone interested in the group can contact her at 336-1416.