'What if I cannot hold my guitar, what if I can never hold my own baby, what if I cannot provide for myself, can I still find peace?' go the lyrics in the song What If by Whitehorse musician Nicole Edwards.

The song appears on her Joy Seeker EP released last year, publicizing her plight with the degenerative, chronic illness scleroderma.

The illness affects the circulatory system, connective tissue and immune system, the dominant symptom of scleroderma is a hardening of the skin, especially in the face, arms and hands.

Though not usually fatal, many people who suffer from the disease experience excessive fatigue, muscle weakness and loss of hair and weight. It affects about one in 1,000 people.

For some people, the fatigue and the hardening of the skin in the fingers mean an inability to do many day-to-day things which most people take for granted.

For Edwards, it means no longer being able to do some of the things she loves most.

'It's been over two years that I haven't been performing because I can't play guitar any more, I can't use my hands,' Edwards said in an interview with the Star earlier this week.

'But I've been doing a little singing with Annie (Avery's) band,' she said.

'That has been really fun for me and I'm able to do that because I don't have to use my hands, I just sit and sing and I can do that. It's fun to be a lounge band.'

In an effort to overcome the illness, which was diagnosed in 2001, Edwards plans to try hyperbaric oxygen therapy, an experimental treatment involving exposure to pure oxygen in a pressurized environment.

The treatment is not covered by Health Canada, however. Though it is an acceptable treatment, used in hospitals for burn victims' diabetic ulcers, it has not been approved for treating scleroderma.

'I met people at a sclerodermic support network meeting in Vancouver who had successful results from using this treatment,' said Edwards. Now, she wants to try the treatment for herself.

Due to the costs involved, Edwards cannot afford to do it without asking for help, so she has decided to hold a dance fundraiser tomorrow night.

'I'm going to do 40 treatments over a six-week period, and for that and for other treatments I need about $8,000,' said the bilingual former Ontarian.

The clinic she plans on attending is in Hamilton, Ont. A friend has donated air mileage points to get her to Toronto, and there, she will be staying with family.

Saturday's fundraiser takes place at l'Association Franco-Yukonaise building at 302 Strickland St. from 5 p.m. to midnight.

Featured bands include Rob Hunter and Kathleen Decosse, Peggy Hannifan, the Annie Avery Jazz Ensemble, Reggae Madness and Death in Venice. There will also be a silent auction, spaghetti dinner and a bar.

'It's a really diverse range of music,' she said. 'Folky to start out, then swing music and then young rockers.'

Edwards will sing at the fundraiser with Avery's band.

'It's very nice working with her, she's always there with the right note,' Avery said in an interview with the Star.

'When we play together, all of us feel so good. The first time we played together in this style was just magic.'

Avery said the community has had a lot of support for Edwards.

'It was her songwriting that has helped her deal with it, but it has also helped all of us deal with it too,' she said.

Performing is not easy for Edwards, said Avery, and that just an hour of singing means she requires an entire day of rest, but it's worth it.

'If I can help her get some joy out of this part of her life, I'll do whatever I can,' said Avery, holding back tears.

Edwards stressed this is not a crisis though.

'This isn't a fundraiser because all of a sudden there's a crisis and Nicole is really sick.' What it is though is I have a chronic, progressive, degenerative illness,' she said. 'I've learned that the hardening has started to happen in the bottom of my lungs, so it has become a lot more serious.

'If this continues in my lungs, it could be fatal. What people are contributing money towards is because I want to be proactive. There is therapy that I can't guarantee but I hope will stop the progression. It's not a medical crisis though.'

Edwards said her rheumatologist has even recommended chemotherapy, though she is very apprehensive about that treatment.

'The theory is I have an autoimmune disorder, which means my immune system is attacking itself,' she said. 'But that's very invasive.'

Instead, Edwards has decided to make a leap of faith with the hyperbaric oxygen therapy.

'I'm making a leap of faith that this kind of treatment is going to help me in some way, and I'm asking for the support of the community to help,' she said.

'I don't want to live in fear that my lungs will collapse or I'll be in a wheelchair or my kidneys will fail. Instead, I'm going to focus on something and be hopeful that it will help, that it will stop the progression.'

One of the losses of a chronic illness is the loss of being able to make a living, said Edwards.

'There's so much self-esteem wrapped up with being able to provide for yourself, and that's a big loss,' she said. 'It's very humbling to reach out for help, but it's been a real learning process for me.

'I feel so vulnerable. I don't want people to think I'm on my deathbed; I'm not.

'I have a lot of love and support in my life, but I have a chronic illness that I want to arrest. That's my goal.'