A very uninformed woman’s guide to the NHL playoffs

In recognition of the Stanley Cup’s trip to Whitehorse tomorrow,

In recognition of the Stanley Cup’s trip to Whitehorse tomorrow, I thought I would wade into the pool of sports writers that are discussing their picks for this season’s NHL playoffs.

It seems to be the cool thing to do amongst the sports editors of Canada, and I am not one to miss out on a fad.

My only problems are that I did not follow all of these teams and my love of hockey is very new.

Actually those are not my only problems, but they are the ones I’m going to entirely ignore while discussing my 2010 NHL Stanley Cup playoff picks.

When it comes to a team that I didn’t see play a single game this season, I may have to delve into a debate over which logo I like the best, or, my particular favourite, which goalie is the most attractive.

I used this tactic to decide between Vancouver and Calgary months ago, and my decision was for Roberto Luongo over Mikka Kiprusoff (Sorry Mikka) and that choice seems to have worked out for me.

Eastern Conference

Washington Capitals vs. Montreal Canadiens

This is where another dilemma strikes me – I am Canadian and I find it hard to root for anyone but our teams.

But unfortunately for the Habs, their season hasn’t exactly been as tip-top as the Capitals, and they don’t have Alex Ovechkin on their side.

The Habs have 101 less goals than the Capitals this season alone, and unless the team can really pull together and challenge the all-star Washington forward line, I think this one is pretty well sealed.

My very short and sweet prediction for this match-up, is Washington. Sorry Montreal. I hate to bet against a Canadian team, especially one from a city I have visited and love. But you know what? You could surprise me and I hope you do.

Philadelphia Flyers vs. New Jersey Devils

Now my only experience with the Devils is that Martin Brodeur blew it in the Olympics, so my allegiance towards this team is nonexistent.

But who cares about the Flyers really?

So here I find myself between a rock and a hard place, and I guess I will have to pick New Jersey, because although Brodeur fouled things up and was pulled in favour of Luongo for the 2010 Olympics, he did not screw up in the 2002 Olympics.

You’re safe for now Mr. Brodeur. But one more mistake and – imagine me shaking my fist in the general direction of New Jersey, wherever that is.

Buffalo Sabres vs. Boston Bruins

I caught one whole Bruins game this season, and it was honestly the most boring hockey game I have ever watched in my life. I think they were playing the Atlanta
Thrashers.

The Bruins players passed the puck back and forth between defencemen and the offensive line. Back and forth, back and forth. There was never any real goal chances, just the Thrashers’ players watching the puck like a puppy watches a hunk of meat in your hand – tongue out, with its head snapping back and forth along with the snack it wants.

It was like an extreme game of pong with unnecessarily prepared human players in helmets.

The game ended in a shutout, and even that was boring.

So for Buffalo vs. Boston, I really have no choice between the two as long as the game ends up being exciting.

But you’re reading this because you want to hear my pick (that’s my theory anyway), so I’m going to give the edge to the Sabres, for no other reason than their name is jazzy and a Bruins win would be a snooze fest.

Pittsburgh vs. Ottawa

Finally a playoff match I can have something to say about.

Like any 20-something girl my age I am a Sidney Crosby fanatic.

He led his team to victory in the 2008/2009 season and I think the Penguins are going to make noise in the playoffs again this year.

I would like to see Ottawa take this series though, because Pittsburgh has had their fun. But with Alex Kovalev out with a knee injury, I think the chances that Ottawa will be able to conjure up enough wins to push them over the powerhouse that is Pittsburgh are pretty slim.

Stranger things have happened in hockey though.

What’s exciting about this series is that in their four match ups this season, both teams each won twice.

This match is going to be the ultimate tie-breaker, with the winner possibly going on to hold the Stanley Cup, and the loser, well, losing.

I’m going to go out on a limb and bet against you Sidney. My prediction is that the Senators are going to upset the Penguins.

Obviously a senator has more to say about hockey than a penguin. They are just cute, cuddly little birds after all.

Western Conference

San Jose Sharks vs. Colorado Avalanche

Alright, this series is obviously going to go for the Sharks. I can say that up front without any snarky comments.

I have made this snap judgement, against my childhood allegiance to the Avalanche. When I was younger I loved the Avalanche for no real reason, but I would imagine it had something to do with the fact that their logo is an A and my first name starts with an A. I have vague memories of trying to draw their logo into my name, however I am about as good at drawing as I am at spotting a decent NHL hockey team.

Chicago Blackhawks vs. Nashville Predators

This is one of those match-ups that I’m going to have to bring down to my favourite logo design and/or which goalie is most attractive. I’m not even going to pretend I know anything about the Blackhawks or Predators.

So bringing things down to the goalies, I have discovered that neither one really has the edge in that department, so I may just have to do a little research that I was hoping to avoid.

I was over run by ads for Avatar in my Predators stats search. Thanks James Cameron, but I really have work to do here.

So it appears that Nashville has a pretty good record this season, including a six-game winning streak in March. The only problem is that five of those wins came against teams that didn’t even make the playoffs, and the other was against the Philadelphia Flyers; I think we’ve been through my opinion of the Flyers already.

As for the Blackhawks, they are heading into the playoffs on a high note – they’re coming off a six game winning streak that was only interrupted by a shootout loss to Detroit.

For that alone, I am going to decide in favour of the Blackhawks.

I’m also tired of my computer being infiltrated by images of the Na’vi.

Vancouver vs. Los Angeles

I’ll be short and sweet here. Go Canucks!

As I’ve previously mentioned, I am a Canucks fan, and it isn’t just because of Roberto Luongo.

I caught their final regular season game on Saturday and the Canucks just oozed confidence over the Calgary Flames, while slaughtering them 7-3.

They even managed to rile up Jarome Iginla and bode him into attempting a fight.

For a man with a reputation of being the nicest hockey player in the world, he must be hard to encourage to drop the gloves.

But the beauty of it all was, is that the Canucks player involved (I’m sorry but I can’t remember who it was, when I watch a hockey game it is usually coupled with a glass of merlot) just simple skated away.

The Canucks are disciplined, and have brothers Henrik and Daniel Sedin on their side.

Those two seem to have a telepathic connection. One always knows where the other is on the ice at all times. Daniel passed to Henrik behind his back, without even looking at him for Henrik to score past Kiprusoff on Saturday. That goal pushed Henrik to the top of the NHL’s scorers to win the Art Ross Trophy for this season.

Vancouver has found a formula that works this season after sucking for many before.

The only downfall of the Canucks is unfortunately the on-again off-again Luongo.

His moods could mean the difference between a successful playoff and
disappointment. However, second goalie Andrew Raycroft has been taking his turn in net following Luongo’s time at the Olympics and he has done well.

So I say “Luuuuu” to the Canucks, and “Booooo” to the Kings.

Phoenix Coyotes vs. Detroit Red Wings

So here we are, at our final playoff match. It’s been a very uninformative ride hasn’t it?

I’m going to tip my hat (if I were wearing one, that is) towards the ‘yotes here.

The Coyotes seem to have something to prove this season after the drama surrounding Jim Balsillie and their potential purchase. It would be a storybook ending if they were able to come back from that fiasco and win the Stanley Cup.

It’s the stuff that great (er, sappy) Hollywood movies are made of.

My final vote of confidence for Phoenix, is based on the fact that Todd Bertuzzi plays for the Red Wings, and I still haven’t forgiven him for that cheap shot against Steve Moore.
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So there we have it, my picks for the playoffs, none of which are based on any merit. But the important thing is that I have set myself amongst sports editors across Canada by throwing in my two cents.