“Every time I close my eyes, I see him underwater.”

Dianne Groening moves her glasses out of the way to wipe a tear that has fallen from her soft brown eyes, and trickled down her cheek.

At 3:45 p.m. on June 15, Whitehorse RCMP were called to Miles Canyon.

Nineteen-year-old Michael Groening was in the Yukon River somewhere, nowhere to be found, after falling or slipping from the cliffs along the canyon.

Witnesses at the time of Michael’s fall attempted to save him, but he had slipped under the water too quickly.

Since then, crews have been searching the area by boat, helicopter and on foot. A body was recovered late Wednesday night (see separate story, this page).

Dianne, 42, arrived in Whitehorse Monday afternoon after a long journey of catching rides with friends going north all the way from Surrey, B.C.

She lost her voice in the process, perhaps from a vulnerable immune system; she hasn’t been sleeping much since police came to her door and told her that her son was missing.

Michael had been living in Whitehorse for about three years, at first with Dianne’s sister, Donna, and then with his girlfriend, Jessica VanBibber.

After running into trouble at home in Prince George B.C., Michael decided he wanted to move to Whitehorse and live with Donna.

From the two sisters’ perspectives, Michael came into his own during his time in Whitehorse.

Throughout his life, he had suffered from issues stemming from mental health and self-confidence.

“I could tell in his voice that he was happy,” Dianne said.

She recalled Donna had said Michael had made lots of friends in Whitehorse, and was feeling comfortable in his surroundings.

She told the Star he was a strong, confident and independent young man.

“He would give whatever he had to you, just to help you out,” she said.

Although Donna never met VanBibber, he had been living with her and her kids for a few months. They had started calling him “Dad.”

One day, Michael called Dianne and told her how he liked being a sort of “stepdad” to the kids.

Dianne asked him why.

His answer was matter-of-fact: “Because I get to play with their toys.”

Both Dianne and Donna laughed as they remembered this; it was so “Michael”.

Thinking about how happy he was confuses both of them as to why the incident may have happened.

His mother doesn’t think he jumped.

“I knew how Michael got when he was drunk. He’s invincible. He could do anything.”

She says Michael and VanBibber had been drinking throughout the day when he ended up in the water.

Maybe he was just showing off and fell over, she said.

Her initial thought coming to Whitehorse was to get answers and help find her son— days after finding out what happened, Dianne still held hope that Michael was just lost in the woods somewhere.

She was frustrated with police not being able to tell her anything; she felt helpless being in B.C. without the money to be able to fly up north.

The pain of not knowing what happened to her child is nothing short of anguish.

After police told her they believed Michael was deceased, she began thinking no news may be good news.

“I am slowly coming to grips that he’s… he’s….” Her voice shakes.

She takes a breath and exhales.

“I can’t say that he’s gone. I believe that people pass on, but spirits don’t.”

Now in Whitehorse for about a week, Dianne hopes to speak to as many people as she can who knew Michael and might be able to share stories about them.

Then, she would like to raise enough money to be able to bring her other kids – Jessica, 22, Darian, 17, Colton, 11 and Dimitri, eight – up north to be able take in the last place where their brother was seen.

“The closer I got to Whitehorse, the more I felt him,” Dianne said, with her sister nodding beside her, as if she understood that flicker of recognition among all of the despair.